let_go; embrace ]]

Saturday, February 25, 2006

common test ended.will do very badly.i know how i performed and i sucked. x/

things occured but because common test was still ongoing so i did not update and after common test ended,no mood to update.in conclusion,i have things to pen down yet i did not pen them down.lame yeah... x/

oh well...

went to sentosa today.not exactly very fun but still fun la. (= played volleyball and got hit by the ball.it was wanyi's fault.lolx.now my head a bit swollen... x( hahaha.no tan today... x( nevermind...next time...heex.

i am going for a short trip during march holidays! =D praying very hard that there will not be any activity that i must participate on the days i am supposed to be away.haha. x)

i am overwhelmed by your words.so flattering.so sweet.i am like "what is going on?"...haha.so funny.thank you.perhaps all the hard work will pay off... x)

_fairyland_
2/25/2006 11:23:00 PM

Sunday, February 19, 2006

yesterday was a fun and interesting day!it has been quite a while since i actually laughed my heart out and truly enjoyed myself without thinking about ~~unhappy things~~.

went to study in the morning.not productive at all.blehx!then went to buy people's birthday presents. (= and we went weekiat's house to play mahjong!oh my god!i actually learnt how to play mahjong!haha.gonna be a mahjong addict.lolx. xP but before reaching weekiat's house, we were drenched!rain was damn heavy.wind was damn strong.then i even went to walk in the rain when the others were hiding from the rain. -.- what can i say?I LOVE THE RAIN.heex =D wet but happy.it is like the rain just goes right into you,inot your heart.anyone knows that feeling? x)

then it was the highlight of the day-choon yen's birthday party at KAP mac!we were very enthusiatic!we really behaved like little kids. really enjoyed myself.really.everyone was so funny.haha. (= thank you choon yen!heex.after went home loh.

tired.
mentally drained.
stressed.
pondering.

~~why did you appear again?why make me think of everything again?why make me think of a possibility?are you even least serious?oh well..."thank you"~~

_fairyland_
2/19/2006 12:28:00 PM

Friday, February 17, 2006

table tennis.
feelings.
lots of felings.
things occurred.

i played horribly on e previous match.really horribly.it was like i could not even get simple balls across the net.how bad can things get? x( i had no confidence.think it was very obvious to everyone. x( i was well aware of my lack of confidence but it was like no matter how i tried to physco myself,i could not have the belief in myself.ahh.was so damn ~~pissed~~ and ~~disappointed~~. x( bottom line-have confidence!sounds simple?doing it is hard for me.to the people i disapponted,to the people who were unhappy with my poor performance,to myself - i am so very sorry. x(
i am not playing on monday- against a school which is coming up.did i ~~implicate~~ val? x/ people are feeling upset. x( main cause-table tennis or things related to table tennis.oh well.seeing people and things happening this way.no one feels good right?

i was stunned.what can i say other than thank you?i don't know. x) it is complicated.or did i complicated a simple matter myself?there are different opinions given.so...?am i being selfish?it is like, all these feelings and thoughts keep repeating themselves in my head.kind of frustrating at times. x/ oh well...

fooling around?why give hope to a future that is almost impossible?it just bring things back...
[17/2/06.10plus in the night]
stil like me?you think want to let go then can let go?why cannot go back to the past?it is up to you.others are all in the past. there is only one person in my heart now.i still like.i still love.i did not forget you,our love.it takes courage to talk to you.i dare not talk to you because a bit shy.you stil love?i have no more chance right?we have known each other for 6years...

_fairyland_
2/17/2006 10:13:00 PM

Friday, February 10, 2006

today 10/2/06.O level's results are released. well,we got our CL2 results.overall,think we did well.i scored a1.very happi for myself. (: at least the hard work i put in for CL2 was worth it. my mother was also very excited.so cute.haha. however, before gettin the results, all of us were rather nervous, the atmosphere in class was so weird. x) lolx. now it is only one paper and we are already so scared over it, imagine next year when we have to take 8 subjects' results. will we faint?hahahaha O.0

after takin results, rushed to clementi stadium to watch bball match. managed to watch a bit og last quarter. we won! (: then rushed to tt training. oh the way to training, i was silent. suppose i was deep in thoughts?or i had nothing to say?hmmx.silence-- my fortress.then i was feelings real down and the rest need not be elaborated... x/ did rather okay during training in the later part, quite happy with that... (:

saw quite a few old-time friends. they still remember and regconise me. it was really a very nice feeling to be remembered when you feel that the world has neglected you, left you behind- alone.oh well.

confidence.i suppose it has always been inside of me but i did not let it out,i did not let it come out to conquere my fears and worries. but i am learning now and i believe, very soon, i can stand strong against all odds.rite?

valentine's day is coming.nothing is going to take place,yeah? x/

_fairyland_
2/10/2006 10:07:00 PM

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

okae.i havebeen sensing some feelings in some people.i care abt their feelings.i wanna talk and try to comfort. but i get the "vanessa, do not come to me" the feeling. this bothers me.i wanna help... x(

when i have faults,just let me know.i wanna improve too.do not be afraid to hurt me.thanks.

i have woken up.so stop telling me to wake up.it is kind of irritating and seems like you don't trust me.damn.

competition starts tmr.must give my best while playing.
if you tink you can,you CAN!

_fairyland_
2/07/2006 09:16:00 PM

Sunday, February 05, 2006

it seems like everyone is troubled/thinking about rvtt. honestly, tis 3 days, rvtt has been in my thoughts. i tink it has been quite awhile that i actually gave so much thought about rvtt. shame on me?everyone has their own area of concern/thoughts as heard from them and seem from their blogs. i believe we are sticking together.i believe all of us have high expectations.i believe we are all preapared to give our best this year, especially the sec4s. i believe no matter what happened, there are no unhappiness or whatsoever among us.tell me that everything i believe in are true. x)

is all these [coach and tchr and treatmeant] to teach us a lesson for not apprecating coach mao enough last time?actually, we do not dislike him. it is just that he talks a lot during training and sometimes his words are too straight and hurt people's feelings but those words make sense and urge us to work harder. most importantly, he was not biased and we learnt a lot from him. we are what we are because of his guidance. agree? he was like a ci2 xiang2 lao3 gong1 gong1, at least i feel this way.

if what was told to me is true and confirmed...
i am feeling pressurised, both externally and internally.
people say "vanessa,you lack confidence."
vanessa says "yes,i know i lack confidence."
i will try my upmost best to win over myself, but in a couple of days?hmm.
i must not let external factors affect me. "i see my strength"...got to say this to myself?

i will type my entries in proper english from now onwards.just have this urge suddenly. (:

_fairyland_
2/05/2006 11:53:00 AM

Saturday, February 04, 2006

had more things to say abt ytd's training.but cld nt reali find words.so 4get it. x/

met aunts n families for lunch.all my cousins brought their gerfrens/wife-to-be along.was kinda of observin each pair...dey were all diff, in terms of e way dey behave as couples n e gers themselves.rather interestin watchin them.lolx...hmmm.den ppl were makin comments abt e gerfrens/wife-to-be. it is reali human nature to observe and comment/critcise ppl...yeah?hmmx.oh well.

watched i not stupid too.finally.ppl said will cry abt twice or so during e movie.but i tink i almost cried thru e movie.seriously,duno y i felt so sad during e movie n i juz cried,cried.duno...
anyhow...dere r parts where i reali felt for e movie.they r true.they r relevant.
i m lucky n i thankful for tis.but sometimes,i juz take them n e things they do for granted.

once you throw it[child] away,it[child] will be over.
with dreams, u hav hope, direction n strength.
give more compliments n encouragements.
appreciation is a powerful force.
look at e virtues of a person instead of his/her weakness.
alw listen when someone talks to u.
dun ever use ur pt of view n tinkin on other ppl.try to see things frm where dey r.

_fairyland_
2/04/2006 09:56:00 PM

Friday, February 03, 2006

once again tis morning.i saw.u saw.feelings n tots surfaced.a bye was said to u, only tat it was said inside...hw did u felt? x/ so near yet so far

had training.
team?wad's a team?wad's e purpose of a team?
i suppose i noe where i stand?perhaps i shld nt occupy a space in it.those who deserve it more than i do shld b in.
ppl r unhappi.so wad's e pt of tis all?

feelin e pressure again.
more white hair.
damn.

_fairyland_
2/03/2006 09:08:00 PM